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March 2008

The Date

This showcases the softer side of my son Chris' writing. I particularly love the way he describes the deep feeling associated with that first love!

Ordinary Wmn

My site was nominated for The Blogitzer!

My site was nominated for Best Blog About Stuff!

"The Date"

    It's cold outside and the snow's shimmering luster seems hypnotic. If you stared too long you feel like you will be lulled to sleep, safely and cozy, without a care in the world. I take a deep breath of cold winter air and my senses come to life. I look up to see her as she walks down the path dressed up just for me. That deep breath I was taking suddenly gets taken away as I am taken back by her beauty. I hold the door open and can't help but softly smile as she enters the car. She kisses me on the cheek and my smile grows wider instantly.

"Where to,"? She asks.

I tell her it's a surprise and not to worry. I begin to drive down the road and she starts to beg me.

"Please tell me!" She pleads with her cute voice and angel smile, the kind that a hardened, convicted criminal could fall for. I stay strong, because I don't want to ruin the surprise. I ignore her attempts to pry the secret from me.

    I take a turn and we pull up to my house. She gives me a look as her eyes light up, a look that says, I think I know. I get out of the car and walk around to open her door. My mother has taught me well. I gently grab her hand and lead her up the deck stairs and to the back door. I unlock it with my key and we enter through my kitchen. No one is home and I have her sit at the dining room table.

We flip through old picture books of when I was young. I color slightly as she stops at the photographs every kid wishes their parent had never taken. She coos about how cute and adorable I was. Maybe those pictures weren't so bad after all.

I go into the kitchen and get the meal that I have cooked. I made sure I got the recipe from my mom. I go back into the dining room and serve her the plate of her choice, Chicken Parmesan.

"Oh, it's my favorite! How did you know?"

I give her a small smile and sit down. We talk as we sit down to eat the meal. I quickly learn how heavy a pasta meal can be. We both don't finish our plates. I gathered the dishes and refuse her offer to help. Tonight you are the guest, I say.

After I put the things away, I turn to her and say that it is now time for the surprise! Her face lights up and she gives me that angel smile again. I grab her hand and lead her up the stairs towards the attic. When we get there I tell her to wait a sec. I grab the two blankets I have set aside and I open the window to the roof. I lay them down on the roof that over hangs the second floor. I turn around and beckon for her to come towards me. I help her onto the roof, and we lay on the covers I have put out.

Now, you may think, what is so special about this? Well, you see, this here roof is my roof. My place of solitude and I never bring just anyone up here. This is my special place that I only share with very few special people. She is one of them.

    We take in the sights of the neighborhood I live in. In the darkness the twinkling of the tiny far way lights seem like stars around us. We watch the snow flakes gently fall on us. Strangely enough my body is unaware of the winter chill in the air. I slowly look into her eyes and I get this feeling.

This feeling of total comfort comes over me, a feeling of trust. This consuming feeling, that if I were to die, at this moment, it would not be a wasted life. I gently kiss her lips and my chest begins to pound!

I have found it! I have found what most people who have lived four times longer than I, have never found.

I have found true love!


Mister Smith’s Wife

My son Chris is a freshman at UNLV majoring in "Film". He plans on becoming a screen writer and director after he graduates. Chris has been writing screen plays since he was thirteen. He has a dark visual and literary flare to some of his work. He likes to express the darker side of human nature and focus at times on the inner workings of the psyche. Chris is multi-faceted as you will see by the wide array of styles and topics covered in his writings. From tortured souls to the discovery of first love, he explores every facet of human emotions and inner conflict. Although some of his work is raw at times, I have a deep feeling that he is going to be quite successful in his trade.  


Ordinary Wmn  

For your pondering;  





"Mister Smith's Wife"

            The sunbeams shining through the cracks of the shutters woke me as they hit my face. I could already hear the children boarding the school bus at the corner of the street.

I got up and went to the bathroom, turned the faucets on so the water wasn't too hot or too cold, just right. As the sink filled up, I stared into the mirror in front of me wondering, who I was staring at? This wasn't the same man that I remember. The man I remembered had joy in his life, he could also feel. Feel inside, whether they be good or bad feelings. When the sink was full, I dipped my hands in and splashed my face. Oh, how refreshing it was!  I went back into my bedroom and began to get dressed.  I put on my faded jeans, an old band shirt, and of course my favorite pair of Adidas. I lit up a cigarette as I tied my sneakers, took a long drag and blew the smoke out.  I watched as the smoke twirled upward towards my ceiling, slowly disappearing into the air.

I get up and go into my kitchen rummaging through the fridge to see if anything would catch my interests, but nothing. I walked from my kitchen to my office and sat down. I took the final drag of my cigarette and put it in the ashtray. When did the ashtray get so full? I turned on my computer and as it finishes loading I go straight to my iTunes. I hit play. "You don't know what love is", by the White Stripes immediately started coming out of the speakers.

I laughed at the irony, and got up and made my way to the small window. I slowly pulled back the dingy white curtain. Were they white?  I look as the people below go about their day. The old women going for their walks, as the workout junkies ran by. Of course the new mothers walking off those few extra pounds, while their new bundles of joy were in the carriages in front of them. My mind began to wander; I could have stood there for hours, if the ringing of my cell phone didn't break my concentration.
            I answered it, was my new client, Mr. Smith. Not too many things scare me in this life but Mr. Smith has this aura about him that would make a Marine Corps drill sergeant shiver. He gave me my instructions, they were very specific, I was to find out whether or not his wife was cheating on him, and if so who was the man.  I've done many cases like this but this one somehow didn't seem right. Mr. Smith was a wealthy man and he offered double the usual rate so how could I turn him down?  I did the usual, "yes; I'll do my best" and hung up.

    After I got off the phone with Mr. Smith I went to my closet and started to gather my gear. I got my camera, with an extended lens, so I can zoom in on the action from a safe distance. My laptop so I can upload right on the spot, and lastly my colt .45 hand gun.  I've never needed the gun but as I said, something didn't feel right. I checked it, cleaned it, and loaded it. I then put all my supplies in my gear bag and headed towards the door. I grabbed my hoody off the hook and went out to start my day.

    I entered my car, another prized possession of mine. Dodge Charger, vintage of course, I started the engine and the nice rumble lifted my spirits a bit. I looked into the rear view mirror to stare at the man that I no longer knew. I sighed at this feeling, the reason being a mystery to you and me. I went on with my task at hand.

    When I arrived at the house of Mr. Smith I parked across the street, so not to be seen by him or his wife. I saw him leave and get into his very nice BMW and drive off. I waited for the Missus; she did not take too long. She came out shortly afterwards; dressed very nicely I might add. I took this moment to snap some pictures. As she got into her vehicle, a Lexus, I couldn't help but notice she had a bag with her. She started off and I set after her, keeping my distance, so not to raise suspicion.

            She stopped at a Starbucks and picked up a latte, a daily ritual from what I conceived of the matter. She then went to a motel, and parked in the rear. This was the jackpot! It usually took days before I saw action. She walked up to room 242, and I took pictures of her entering. I also got a shot of the man who greeted her with a very, none friendly, curt, kiss on the lips. He had sunglasses on and a hat. Weird, did he suspect he was being watched? I waited for the door to close and got out of my car and headed up to the room. As I walked by, I could hear the moans of Mrs. Smith, so objective one was set. Now, to figure out whom the man was. I walked back down to my car and waited.

            After what seem like an eternity, but actually was a little over 2 hours, Mrs. Smith emerged from the room. I took photos again, she walked down to her car and left. The man however just went back into the room after she kissed him farewell. I waited some more, after another hour of sitting around, he came out the room. He went to the front office, and returned the key. He went to his car, a Mercedes Benz, he started off and I set chase.

            I tailed him all the way across town where he pulled into an upscale house, 242 Victor Lane. Objective two complete.  I got out of the car, after I parked out of sight again, and walked up to an elderly lady watering her garden.  I asked her if 242 was the home of John Mayer, she replied with exactly what I wanted.
    "Why no, dear, this is the home of James Lewis".
     Bingo, I had my man and, I was now four digits richer. I proceeded home. 

When I walked into my house the song "Lonely, Lonely", was playing by Fiest, another ironic moment I believe. I called Mr. Smith and gave him the information I had just gathered. He told me he was thrilled. That seemed odd and I didn't know why at first. It all became very clear as he went on to say that he finally had a reason to kill that two timing bitch. This sent a shiver down my spine. What he said next is what snapped me back into reality. He asked me to kill her and her lover. He would pay me, a lot more, of course. He also went on to say that since he was very politically connected, if anything went wrong, he could help me. I laughed at him.

That was right before I accepted his offer. I don't know why, the words, "yes I'll do it" just flowed out, very naturally. He said thank you, and that I should do it tomorrow. He would be away on business. The timing would be perfect.

I hung up the phone and went to my bathroom, I stared at myself in the mirror, and then it all made sense to me. I knew why I was feeling so awkward, disconnected. It was the lack of excitement in my life! The main reason I had entered this line of work was for the rush, the adrenaline high during a high-octane job. A smile slowly crept across my face and in an instant the old me came screaming back. "Hello stranger, haven't seen you in a while! Man I've missed you!" I thought to myself.

I started the shower, and climbed in, visualizing how I was going to make this all go down?
            I awoke the next day to the sun greeting me, and the usual sounds of the children. I knew this was my day. The day I became the man I always wanted to be. I grabbed my clothes and got dressed. I lit up my morning cigarette and went to my closet. I grabbed my colt .45 and a pair of gloves. I grabbed a ski mask from my winter clothing box. 

I brought out my "just in case" box. Hello old friend, haven't seen you in a while!  This box had many illegal weapons, collected over the years from various sources. The one prized goodie I had always wanted to use was the silencer. I bought it off the Internet for a measly 5 dollars. The E-bay nerd thought it was a toy. Who was I to tell him otherwise?

    I got into my car and went to the home of Mr. Smith. He was just leaving as I arrived. Yes my timing was right on! Mrs. Smith gave him a kiss goodbye, and she turned and went back inside. As Mr. Smith pulled down the street, I saw a very familiar car. It was the Mercedes-Benz of one, James Lewis. He parked right in the driveway and entered the unlocked front door.
            It was time for me to make my move. I gathered my supplies and made my way to the backyard.  I went to the back door and it was unlocked. Yeah, I am on a roll now!

I put on my mask and gloves. As I crept through the house, I screwed the silencer to the handgun. I made my way up the stairs, my heart was racing! I could feel the sweat collecting on the mask.

The sounds of Mrs. Smith were echoing through the hallway, they were coming from the master bedroom. As I approached, her moans became unbearable! I felt like Mr. Smith. They hurt me just as much as if I were him. More I think, because I was consumed by a feeling of betrayal. I used this to fuel me. I kicked the door open and the scream she let out filled the air. I pulled the trigger twice.

As I watched the life leave their eyes, I felt it! The feeling only murderers feel. It was a rush of overwhelming, kinetic-like energy! I felt a feeling of God-like power, the power to end the very essence of existence, of life.

I slowly walked over to the pants of Mr. Lewis and took the keys; I also helped myself to the money in his wallet, he wasn't going to need it where he was going. I proceeded down the hallway knocking down pictures and taking what little things I felt were of enough value to justify the gory scene in the bedroom.      

I walked out the front door, after I removed the mask and placed it with the gun back into my bag. I walked to James' vehicle, got inside. I backed out and drove away. I would wait until dark to double back and pick up my old car. I was feeling generous maybe I would donate it to charity. I looked in the rearview mirror and for the first time in years I actually saw a familiar face. Welcome back, I smiled.

            When I got home that night I felt amazing! I now had a small fortune and was ready to move. I grabbed my laptop and all the things I needed for my new business venture. I set back out and loaded everything into my car. I went back into the apartment and gave it one last look around. I smiled at the fact that this would be the last time I would see it. No more old ladies, no more runners, no more baby pushers. Somehow I wasn't too broken up over it. I locked the door behind me as I left. I went into my car, sat down and looked into the mirror again.
            So, this is where I am right now. What to do? Travel, Paris, Rome, maybe invest or jet set? I don't know. So what do you say, stranger, as I looked in the mirror once more. I'll let you decide. What happens next, where do I go from here? The possibilities are endless. I'm not afraid anymore.  Bring it on! I am back and I'm ready.


Back to the wall.

My son Eric wrote this to highlight what he feels is a father's unconditional love for his son. And the frustration he feels when one of the richest nations in the world still has millions of people without medical coverage.

Even though some people might only focus on the graphic description of the gun battles with the "cops". He wrote it metaphorically. The cops represent the powers that be that are more focused on making a profit than saving a life.

This coming from a young man, who has seen firsthand how low income people, that are not poverty level, but still low income, cannot get proper medical care.

I hope you can get the amazing message between the lines of his rhymes.


Ordinary WMN


I left it as written, no editing here!

By Eric-AKA Sacrafyc, 10/04

I wake up to my child crying, I can hear him GASPING TO BREATHE/
a bad case of asthma that's abnormal PLEASE I ASK HIM TO BREATHE/
now he's GAGGING TO BREATHE start to panic and I ASK HIM TO "PLEASE/
calm down get strong now grab this BAG AND JUST BREATHE"/
we on the way to the E.R doing a HUNDRED ON THE DASH/
PUMPING ON THE GAS windows fogging I'm not stopping so I'm THUMPING ON THE GLASS/

I look at my son he's turning blue but still FORCES A SMILE/
just a FOURTH OF A MILE till we there "c'mon baby just FORCE IT AWHILE"/
I pull up to the hospital and almost hit some doctors on a PARK BENCH/
grab my son jump out the car before the car's even PARKED YET/
get him into the E.R, to the operating TABLE, THE Mission/
2 hours pass they come out telling me for now he's in STABLE CONDITION/
but his lungs are no good and he needs a special type of MEDICINE/
it comes in a spray and its BETTER THEN anything the MEDS"LL BRING/
the only problem is it won't be covered by my INSURANCE PLAN/
its an INSURANCE SCAM, so I pull out the heater and tell him this is my INSURANCE FAM/

I put the gun to the dr.'s head and tell him "look doc I'm not TRYING TO PLAY/
so tell me where the medicine is cause my sons not DYING TODAY"/
he starts TRYING TO PREY so I put the NINE TO HIS FACE/
and he blurts out "it's in the lab about NINE MILES AWAY/
I throw the doctor to the floor kiss my son and FLEE THE SCENE/
I don't care how many I have to kill tonite my son is BREATHING CLEAN/
stop at my house to grab every gun and bullet I FOUND/
at the same time the doctors calling every law enforcement in TOWN/
I'm scared to death I'm gonna die but for my sons it's the TRUTH/
I'll SHOOT anything moving then make my escape from the ROOF/
I enter the lab grab the spray then I head for the DOOR/
that's when I hear "don't move mother****er and get down on the FLOOR/......

the buildings surrounded and they STORMING THE GATES/
I got handguns , , a Mossberg and A STORM IN MY WAIST
I pull the gun from the holster and drop the first 30 I SEE/
I fight dirty double fisted birdies they ain't WORTHY TO ME/
I'm like neo in the matrix running up walls to DODGE BULLETS/
and LODGE BULLETS in the forehead of feds they dead when I PULL IT/
I see the shells in slow motion it's like I'm STOPPING THE TIME/
do a flip over 2 agents I'm aiming and put the GLOC TO THEY SPINES/
kick another in the jaw judo flip and I'm SNAPPING HIS NECK/
reach in my waist and pull the niner and BLAST WHAT IS LEFT/
spiral out his back into his partner make them both CRASH THRU A DESK/

I toss aside the nine and start street SWEEPING THE AIR/
caught 2 cops in the chest and they flew back about 6 FEET IN THE AIR/
try to make an escape I doubt that I'm even REACHING THE STAIRS/
start spraying at will and slid across the room using the SEAT OF A CHAIR/
I'm BLAZING AT COPPERs racing toward the sounds of the BLADES OF THE CHOPPER/
SPRAYING IT PROPER screaming "see u in hell ain't no SAVING THEM DOCTOR"

but when I get to the roof the HELICOPTER IS GONE/
I'm left stranded with these coppers with my CHOPPER AND BOMBS/
I put the lock on the door it should buy me a MOMENT OR TWO/
but once they thru, they blazing without aiming and this MOMENT IS THRU/
"u know what **** it" I killed half of them might as well BLAST AT THEM ALL/
so I reload my last clips and put my BACK TO THE WALL

I got my back to the wall mp-5 cocked and POINTED IN POSITION/
the door gets knocked off the hinges I start SQUEEZING OFF SOME ROUNDS/
first cops get dropped the next 2 are BLEEDING ON THE GROUND/
my heart beating too speedy control my BREATHING WITH THE SOUND/
believe me I'm not dreaming they all SCREAMING "GET ON THE GROUND"/

the situation is getting crazy and I'm RUNNING OUT OF SPACE/
drop the mp and start RUNNING with a HUNDRED GIVEN CHASE/
jumped and spun around and hit another in the STOMACH AND THE FACE/
squat behind a air duct "****, I think I'm DONE AND ITS A WASTE"/
take the grenade from my belt, pull the pin I smell DYING IN THE AIR/
3 seconds later a boom and 6 pigs FLYING THRU THE AIR/

in the same second of time I jumped up DUMPING THE SHELLS/
I'm dying tonite mother ****as we all BUNCHING TO HELL/
**** a cop or a swat I'm bringing DOOM TO THESE FEDS/
put 2 IN THEY HEADS while I got hit in my knee **** WOUNDED MY LEG/
covered in blood and gun smoke inside I'm TRYING FOR THE TRUTH
not to mention I'm bleeding out I think I'm DYING ON THIS ROOF/

the cops start making their move I'm too weak to even RAISE MY GUN/
I just LAID THERE DONE the head cop looks at me and SAYS YOU IDIOT THEY WON/
as they search me they find 2 empty nines and a medical SPRAY MARKED-FOR LUNGS/

he asks me what is this spray for? And I just say,

"To SAVE MY SON........"

My site was nominated for The Blogitzer!

My site was nominated for Best Blog About Stuff!

“Introducing, most honorable son number 1, Derek”

My site was nominated for The Blogitzer!

My site was nominated for Best Blog About Stuff!


I have four sons from my first marriage, which lasted fifteen years. I will explain more on that at a later time. I know the suspense is killing you!

The summer between my freshman and sophomore year of high school, I got pregnant with my first son Derek. When you are only sixteen years old and have a living hell for a home life, adding a baby to the equation, isn't exactly going to make it better. To remind you, this was the late 70's, abortions were legal and minors could get them with little difficulty for the bargain basement price of 280.00 dollars. This could have been an easy out for me. My mother could have cared less about what time I went to bed, even on school nights. As long as I was not interfering with her life, I could watch TV to all hours of the night. Well one night I saw a "Gerardo Rivera" show based on abortions. I was only nine, so I have no clue if it was in favor of legal abortions or not. The one thing that stuck with me, even today, were the haunting images of aborted fetuses and the heart-wrenching stories shared by some of the women in the show. As a result of that, I had been dead set against abortions, even when in reality I had no clue of the bigger picture behind all of this. I thought it was cruel and just plain unimaginable that a mother could do that to her own baby. My best friend, who was the only person I had confided in, kept insisting that I should get "rid of it"! Again in those days there were free clinics where you could get the procedure done at no cost. My friend, who had obviously been around the block a few times more than I, knew all about them. In my head, everything she said made sense. I was sixteen, dysfunctional home; roach-infested tenement building, no education, no money and the baby's father had done a Houdini. What kind of life would that be for a child?

I finally put an end to the whole abortion scenario by simply waiting too long and that way it would be too late to get one. Once again my best friend told me I could go to New York, because they had clinics there that would perform the procedure up to the second trimester! I was horrified! I had had enough of her advice! In my naïve mind I decided that I would leave home, have the baby somewhere else and give him or her up for adoption to a loving home. Well the best laid plans and all that! My adoptive mother took a spill down the stairs and wound up bedridden for months. What little money she had in her savings was eaten up quickly. So, I almost seven months pregnant had to take a job as a waitress to make ends meet. The kicker was no one in my family knew I was pregnant! I had always been tiny, weight-wise, and for some bizarre reason my pregnancy weight gain wasn't like a pregnant woman. I just in a matter of five months went from a size 4 to a size 14. The crazy thing is it was everywhere! I looked like a chunky teen-ager. All the women in my adoptive family were obese, so in their minds, my weight gain was normal!

I wasn't due until the end of April, I figured, okay, I'll work, save some money and then leave shortly before the baby is due. Well my son had other plans. Almost four weeks before my due date he decided to make an unannounced appearance! Not only that, it was such a fast labor and delivery, that with no car or home phone, I never made it to the hospital!

Now that I am a mother, I cannot phantom finding out your daughter is pregnant the minute she delivers the baby!

My mother had been a midwife in Costa Rica, so she did her thing, to ensure that my baby and I wouldn't die. For all the rotten things she did to me, this act alone, made up for them. To say I was naïve and stupid is to put it mildly. That experience was the beginning of my endless search for knowledge. I never wanted to be that naïve, or caught off guard ever again.

Since I was unable to work, my mother applied for welfare assistance and started collecting benefits. We qualified because I was still under age and because of Derek. I was beginning to feel maybe she wasn't so bad after all, except for the fact that she kept collecting the checks for three more years, while I was back at work 10 days after I delivered the baby! It wasn't until the social worker saw me in my uniform, that she told me my mother had been ripping me off for years! Luckily that put end to her free train ride at my son's expense.

Derek, who is 28 years old now, continues to struggle to find his purpose in life. He is one of the smartest people I know, and I don't say that because he is my son. When he was 4 and ½ years old, he was tested and found to be borderline genius. His IQ was through the roof. Unfortunately, what he had in smarts, he lacked in common sense. He was a great, loving kid growing up. But he struggled in school because of his debilitating asthma and severe, undiagnosed, ADD. Somehow he managed to still do fairly well with the guidance of the right teachers. It wasn't until after my divorce that he started acting out. He got involved in a gang, got arrested over stupid, bone-headed things and finally got kicked out of high school when he was 16 years old. When this happened, we helped him find a program to get his GED. A testament to his intelligence was the fact that he passed all five tests, without having to take any additional classes. Mel helped him get accepted into the AID program at Salem State College. At the end of the eight week program he was accepted as a full time student in college! In a matter of three months he went from being a high school sophomore to a college freshman. After two semesters he felt overwhelmed and withdrew from college. He bummed around for a few years from job to job, trying to find something he could be passionate about. He joined and served in the Army National Guard for awhile. Urrrahhh, Black Hawks! Yet somehow, there was that deep underlying desire to become bigger than where he was at the time.

He had always wanted to be an entertainer. One thing that was very obvious about him was that he was an incredible writer. He has written some of the most thought-provoking short stories I have ever read. I will share some of them with you at a later time.

His true passion is music and rapping. Under the Stage name, KardiaK, with his younger brother, Sacrafyc, they make up the duo CPR. They have created some edgy, urban-vibe, yet deep lyrics with some creative beats. I wasn't into rap at first but through his music I have learned to appreciate his generation's form of expression. Through all of Derek's struggles there is one constant and that is his deep desire to reach for a dream. Even during the times that he has hit what seemed like rock bottom, his music, his dream, still has continued to flourish. I know, as is true with all humans that can hold on to hope, that my son, will one day become the person he really wants to be. I know this because no matter, what happens or what his critics say, he continues to work towards that goal.

Introducing...the Dad!,

  Ladies and gentlemen I introduce you to the main “characters” in this saga I call my life! I will start with my hubby Jose Sr., who we call "Mel". He got this nickname from a buddy of his from the days when he worked under cover, in the drug unit of the Massachusetts State Police.

Why Mel, we have no clue, But it stuck at work, mainly because it protected him from someone accidentally calling him by his real name during an operation! We used it because his family has like a million "Joses"! This way when we call him, we get him!

Mel, is my second husband and I truly believe I got it right! After almost 15 years we are still going strong and have beat the odds of failed second marriages!

Mel was an awesome athlete in high school who played varsity basketball and baseball, in a big urban school. You know he had to be good, this school plays favorites and politics in its athletics, especially in the early 80's. The rule was if your parents were someone's buddy you got to play. Mel's dad was a factory worker and his mom a homemaker, not too much clout there! It was so bad his basketball coach tried to bench him his senior year so he could play his buddy's kid! The rest of the players put an end to that real quick, they told the coach that if my hubby didn't play they would all quit! They did the same thing to him in baseball, he got benched so the coach's buddy's kid could play! Karma got the coach on that one though. A routine pop up to deep field which Mel routinely could catch in his sleep, this kid dropped and cost them the championship bid that year! Karma is a bear I say! Mel made it on pure talent and determination.

Mel could have moved on to a profession in sports but life and an unplanned baby put an end to that prospect. He put his dream of a major league baseball career away forever.

More determined now, but focusing it all on providing a better way of life for his daughter, than the one his parents gave him, he attended college full time. He also worked full-time nights and weekends to support his family.

My husband had learned from a young age to be very self-reliant. His dad was a hard working man who worked two full-time jobs. You would think that would have meant Mel and his brothers were well provided for, but it didn't. What his dad did with his earnings Mel doesn't know, but it definitely did not come into their home. They lived in various low income housing projects and his mom struggled to make ends meet with public assistance and selling various home made treats. He had the most amazing mom, caring and loving. His dad on the other hand was and still is a distant, cool and selfish person.

Mel's freshman year of college he decided to walk on and try out for the basketball team. Now I know that Salem state college isn't exactly in the PAC-10, but at the time my hubby was five foot, nothing and a hundred and ten pounds soaking wet! Thank goodness he has grown a lot since those days! I would have paid to be a fly on the wall that day in the gym!  Can you imagine the looks he must have gotten from the other players and the coaches! Never under estimate this man, he made the team! Unfortunately my husband's self reliance and pride can be a challenge at times.  He needed the small fortune of one hundred and forty seven dollars to pay for medical insurance policy required by the school. When you're raising a baby and paying your own way through college, money is tight to say the least. He didn't have the money and rather than ask his father for a loan, he quietly put away another one of his dreams forever.

What amazes me about him is how he managed to go to college without taking out any loans while supporting his first wife and daughter. I guess this is why I have a hard time when young, single teens, with no kids give me the excuse that they can’t go to school “Cause, I “ain’t” got the money!” Please! I have learned that if you want something bad enough, you find a way.

The other thing I admired about Mel is that he made the Dean's list while attending college. No biggie you say? This man was considered borderline illiterate.  He wasn’t stupid, what he was, was raised by a father who moved the family around so much he attended 11 schools in 13 years! It’s really hard to really get a quality education that way. His first year in college he spent it catching up on all the stuff he missed in Junior high and High school.

Mel as you might have guessed is a Massachusetts State trooper. He has been on the “job” twenty plus years and is eligible for retirement any time now. He has mostly done undercover work, work that he is very good at, but after a while he felt burnt out. Coming from someone who has done undercover work, it’s the hardest, most, dangerous, under -appreciated assignment a cop can do. Its’ no wonder people b2034_02_19masspikeinterstate90bostourn out after just a few years, never mind after as long as he did it. He decided to transfer back to uniform and spent some time doing road tests before going to the Pike (for those non-Bostonians, its specialty highway patrol). My husband also works in the financial service field off and on part time. Go wolf pack!

He has also been helping the boys with their music promotion and has talked about doing that full time or just running his own business, what he really hasn't decided yet. Due to the influence of his father growing up, my husband has struggled with being openly affectionate with the boys. He also has struggled with anger issues that have also interfered with getting closer to the boys. Luckily he has continued to work on it every day and as a result of it he has come a long way to overcome it. He has a great relationship with our kids and the lines of communication are always open. He also continues to work on getting closer to my boys. Mel really loves my boys as his own, but the challenge of knowing how to express it at times has come across as he not caring. Now that my son Eric and Sarah are expecting a son, it really surprised me to see how excited he really is! He won't admit it in public, but he is already thinking of all the ways he can spoil his grandchild! The funny thing is he wants to do it so when the kids say what a grump he is, the grandchildren will think their parents are crazy! If only they knew!


My site was nominated for The Blogitzer!

My site was nominated for Best Blog About Stuff!

The birth of a, I mean a notion!

My site was nominated for The Blogitzer!

My site was nominated for Best Blog About Stuff!

A long time ago, no this isn't Star Wars, sorry George and Steve, I started putting together a collection of my journal entries into some type of book form.

My project was put on hiatus due to the technical difficulty of selling our home and moving in December of 2003. As with life when it rains, break out the ark cause its pouring, our “Franken-puter” of a PC decided to make a hasty exit to computer Heaven! Luckily I had copied my stories onto a floppy disk, wow, I so just dated myself!

The entire contents of our house was placed in storage for several weeks until our new home was ready and our entire family was stuck in an extend a stay for all that time,(I'll explain later!)

Needless to say the floppy disk was MIA. Once we finally moved into our new place, no matter how hard I looked for the floppy it was nowhere to be found.

In August of 2005 we were cleaning out our garage for the annual inspection from our landlady when lo and behold we located a long lost box with misc. written on it and you guessed it, the missing floppy was found! Amazing what happens when you clean!

A lot had passed in the almost two years since the floppy was missing, so I decided to go back and update some of the information. In some cases I decided to leave it as it was. I figured even thought it might have been dated or out of place, it still made a good point!

Another two years lapsed before I got anywhere to the stage that it even resembled a book, as you will notice by the different stages our children have gone through within the contents of its entries.

I guess I felt that this made it more like real life. You know, we are just puttering along with babies and diapers when all of a sudden we look up and our kids are grown and on their own. This is where the “what happened?” factor kicks in!

Finally with all technicalities settled, including my own insecurities at finishing this project, I got a book done! But then a funny thing happen on the way to the publisher's! I thought wait, who would really want to read this, never mind publish it? Well I found the perfect person! ME!

I figured in today's age of the world wide web, why not do just that? Web it baby! Can you tell I spent way too much time with my kids? So I searched around, well actually the truth is truly funny!

I was born with my left leg shorter than my right and I guess as a result of this somehow I had an extra bone in my left foot. I know bear with me here, I swear I am actually making a point! Anyway, I got diagnosed ten years ago with the extra bone condition, not the short leg thing, yeah I know. At the time my life was way too crazy to have surgery that would have required me to be on bed rest for a month. (I'll fill you in later to the craziness!) After all this time it was really beginning to get painful, so I finally broke down and got the surgery.

About two weeks into the total bed rest thing and when the thoughts of chewing my leg off so I could be free wouldn't go away, my hubby, we call him Mel, (I'll explain that later too!). Notice how I keep the cliffhangers coming? Got you don't I?

Anyway back to Mel, he asked me if I had been working on my book. Like yeah, totally dude, going for the home stretch as we speak! Yeah right, all I had been doing was discovering how really cool my space was and why do those girls all have the need to show me their butts? As I was surfing the net, I can across a blog called "Empty nest, full life". Well I had been thinking of actually doing a blog but wasn't quite sure how. This blog answered my questions! It introduced me to Typepad!(Not a paid endorsement!) I always wanted to say that! So my thanks go out to Hummingbird mind and your great blog! You showed me the way!

I decided that no publisher needed here! A blog a day will spread my story! Sorry I really stink at rhyming but you get the gist. So welcome one and all and stay tuned as I introduce you to my crazy..I mean amazing family! SJA


The best place to start is... the beginning!

My site was nominated for The Blogitzer!

My site was nominated for Best Blog About Stuff!

A lot of times when things are written there are a lot of ulterior motives as to why they are being created.

In my case it was simply the healing process associated with putting one’s thoughts down on paper. This way if we choose to, we can revisit them at a later time when we are truly ready to hear our heart’s sincerest message.

It wasn’t until I had been doing this for years that I realized that there was a common thread throughout all my entries. That correlation was that every time I put something in my journal it had to do with a lesson I had learned that day. The irony was that I didn’t realize a lesson had been learned until I returned later on to re-read a thought or a certain entry. The main lesson that I did learn, and it’s the one that I hope to pass on to anyone that deems this worth reading, is that life is worth living!

Every life no matter how desolate it might seem, has some form of joy hidden within it. I say hidden because at times we need to be willing to look for it. To dig through the muck, and day to day dirt to unearth that most precious possession, self-value.

We go through life wanting to be great, to make an earth shaking difference in our lifetime. We longingly look at the “Oprahs” of the world wishing we too, could do such good deeds to change people’s lives. Yet we forget the most essential of facts, that we as co-inhabitants on this earth are all interconnected. Whether we realize it or not we impact all those around us. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes not so good. Our thoughts, deeds, actions and intentions can affect people for years, sometimes generations to come. Yet we get caught up in thinking that our lives don’t matter, couldn’t, didn’t or won’t make a difference.

How sad it is to shortchange ourselves with these thoughts! I should know, because I lived like that for years. I constantly questioned my worth or value on this earth. Once I looked around me and realized how much we give, day in and day out, without even thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that every life is important and valuable. I also realized that I wasn’t the only one that thought this way. That is when this idea was conceived. the discovery that if I, someone not on a red carpet or Forbes 500 list (yet!) could share my life story with others to inspire them. By sharing my story of everyday life, of simple accomplishments and joys, I could awaken a reality. This reality is that we all have extraordinary lives!

I hope that people will realize that their lives are also a great, marvelous journey worth savoring and enjoying every step of the way. I am not pretending to be a self-help guru, as I can’t even help myself at times! But I do come as a neighbor in this great planet of ours, wanting to share the joy that we can find if we look beyond the material. If we strive to find the things that truly matter at heart.

So I welcome you to this crazy journey I call my life! With all its up and downs, high and lows. Welcome my fellow traveler. My hope is that at the end of your own personal travels, you too discover that you are an ordinary human being living one extraordinary life! SJA


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